I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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