Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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