so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
