i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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