just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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