Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
