i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
