when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
