What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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