I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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