ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
