whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
