There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
