Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
