i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
What a dumb baby whore.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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