Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
