last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
