If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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