everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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