I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
