SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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