If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
