Someone shit on the floor
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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