i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
