I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
