I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
