just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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