i think i have herpe
just one?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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