well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
