He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
