I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
