Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize