dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
