Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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