So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
