I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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