So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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