My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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