The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
