I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
All I want is dick and wine.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
