No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
