I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
