Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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