Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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