I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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