I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
