Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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