I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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