Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
