i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
