I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize