He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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