I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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