hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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