Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
And then he peed in my hair
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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