No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
