It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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