I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
