dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
