he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
