I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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