dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You dont lie about slip and slides
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize