It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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