Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
