She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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