p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
