the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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