i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
