Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
