I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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