I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
