omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
