Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
