I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
