we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
