I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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