She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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