dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
