My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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