I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
