She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize