i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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