I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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