how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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