Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
