When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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