I hate your face
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
