The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
