she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
porn star boner night. come get it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
