The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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