I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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