Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
