Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
