so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
