drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
