You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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