she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
