Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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